Burlesque Breakdown

I went to the cinema to see Burlesque with a friend and it delivered exactly what I wanted - a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Joined in my viewing by a bunch of teenage girls who screamed every time the dude from Twilight was on screen and a couple of men who squealed in delight at numerous points throughout I thoroughly enjoyed myself. So there!!! *Contains Spoilers*


Something’s Got A Hold On Me

Aguilera works in a small town crap hole, but she dreams of bigger things. Whilst belting out this powerful soul tune she dry humps a chair and excessively swings her hair. This opening performance gives the audience a good idea of what they have let themselves in for. She decides to make her move to LA to break into the big time!


Welcome to Burlesque

Aguilera has made it to the big smoke and is wowed by a seedy little Burlesque club that Cher runs. Cher is scantily clad as she sings this circus style song that introduces all the misfits that work in the bar. Make of this what you will.

Tough Lover

Landing a job in the bar she longs to amaze the clientele with her “mutant lungs” but Cher isn’t convinced. Then the power goes out; what can the performers do without all their backing tracks to mime to? Hang on a minute…. Christina Aguilera takes to the stage and belts out her infamous growl – just as they thought the night was ruined Cher raises the curtain in awe. All her dreams have come true!!!

But I Am A Good Girl

Aiming for a Marilyn Monroe-esque performance in its breathy and comedic style and Aguilera cleverly wears a short blonde wig. Meanwhile in the backstory the continually sloshed Kristen Bell is angered by the threat of Aguilera taking over her slot. Some bitchy remarks are thrown back and forth and Aguilera looks sadly in a mirror. No one wants to be her friend :(

Guy What Takes His Time

Another Aguilera performance - a song with trumpets which is slightly more in line with the Burlesque theme. Things are progressing in her life – she has moved in with that guy from Twilight who wears eyeliner and a bowler hat at work. But they are just friends – he has a fiancé.

Express

Aguilera has taken over from Bell as the big Burlesque act and the other dancers ask her out for pizza. No more looking sadly in a mirror (for a few minutes anyway). Bell is off somewhere getting drunk and being trashy. Aguilera is having problems with her love life; does she choose the big shot or the bar tender?

You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me

Cher needs to do a last minute sound-check and she is having money problems and feeling a bit mopey. She stands alone on stage with only the sound man as an audience. He is so overwhelmed (in what can only be described as the best moment in the film) by her powerful performance he earnestly nods his head with affinity for her dilemmas. He just KNOWS she will make it – what a strong woman and an inspiration! This song didn’t even get nominated for an Oscar… I think Cher may have been upset about that, but I can’t remember http://twitter.com/#!/cher/status/30006805534867456

Bound To You

Aguilera is super sad –she really did fancy the guy from Twilight and they did it. But his fiancé suddenly appears and Aguilera storms out over to Stanley Tucci’s place.

Show Me How You Burlesque

With Cher’s money problems solved by Aguilera’s sharp mind and the emotional return of Bell it’s time for a group hug and one last mega performance.

The Beautiful People

In a crazy afterthought the closing credits sample Marilyn Manson’s song of the same title in a suitably demented way!

Burlesque is released on DVD and Blu-ray on 25th April 2011.